Bodhisatva of a Leo

I've been taking a good long hard look at myself lately.  Maybe it is my recent birthday that has had this affect on me of seeing what is real in myself.  Maybe it is that my meditation instructor has been gently suggesting I look into Bodhisatva vows for over a year.  Whatever it is it is new to me and a bit surprising.  Being the through and through Leo that I am, I've prided myself on looking good, maybe younger, hipper, sexier, better "put together" than I actually am in reality.  I recently saw some dear old friends, the kind of friends you don't see for nearly forever, but know love you, and you them, dearly.  The type of friends that are in the movie "The Big Chill".  We were having our own Big Chill type weekend at the wedding of one of their children.  I took great pains to wear the right dress, make up, hair, shoes,  to look good to these folks who hadn't seen me for so, so long.  As the night ended it was pointed out to me in the "cutting through my b.s. illusion of myself with a sharp knife only those that love me can do" kinda way that I wasn't as young or as hip as I thought I might be.  And after the sting of that sunk in and stung some more, so did the sweetness as one of them reminded me with a smirk and a large dose of compassion in his eyes, "we all want to be younger sometimes".  In essence, we all want to be what we think of ourselves at times, but we aren't. 

In reality what I've been doing with my reflection, my idea of myself, has been doctoring it up in my own mind.  I am not being down on my appearance here but for some reason maybe coming to peace and to terms with who I am ..... really am, inside and out.  I mean  I think I've manipulated my mind for many many years into believing some stretches of the truth to myself, or at the very least glossing over the rough spots.  Convincing myself, and maybe others too, that what they see is all smooth, good and easy.  I've had many old, sometimes painful memories arrive in my heart and thoughts of late. some things I have almost all but forgotten about.  They are reminders to myself that I always didn't make the best choices, at times I didn't do my best, I have chosen the easy way, what is better for Karyn way, I have lied and manipulated.  This is what is true.  I have also been generous, loving, supportive, and honest, I have also gone out of my way to help others.  This is also what is true.   I feel it is time to stop sugar coating myself to myself.    I am 47 years old.  I have a 24 year old, 21 year old and 19 year old son and a 10 year old daughter.  I have had these four children by three different men.  I divorced my first husband, I left him.  I have wanted to divorce my current husband (thank God he wouldn't allow it) at times.  I have said some pretty unforgivable things to my family (again thank God I think they have forgiven me).  I have acted quite outrageously at times.  I have also been patient and as supportive as humanely possible.  This, I am guessing, is the paradox of being human.

I feel the choice of a Bodhisatva path is before me, at some point,  however before I can embark on that path I think this self examination, naval gazing if you will, is necessary for me.  To put the well being, the actual enlightenment of others before my own is quite a step for a self centered, egotistical, vain Leo gal like myself.  So I am working on being happier now to look at the lines on my face (from the smiles, the tears, the worry, the love and the fears) the thickness of my middle (from the four babies, the martinis, the cheese)  the spider veins (genetics?!)  the nasty words that have flown from my mouth, the selfish actions, the missing tooth (born that way) and the lines that radiate away from my lips (from the smoking, and since I"m being honest here not just the cigarettes from years ago).  I will still try to dress sharp, and try to look my best and I will still be trapped in the samsara of my ego, but it is my hope that I am a bit more friendly to myself, in seeing my complete reflection of myself.  So that maybe in another 10-20 years when I gather with my Big Chill old friends, I will have the truth of all of me shining forth, the Bodhistava in my reflecting back.

Inspiration.

“I am not perfect now nor have I ever been. I am growing, learning, moving forward in my journey and in exploration of this earth. Always striving to be perfect, but never achieving. Because I am human.”  –Alex Minsky
(see full article and photos here)
Inspired.

in·spi·ra·tion

/ˌinspəˈrāSHən/
Noun

1. The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative: “flashes of inspiration”.

I had my blog drafted and half written, already into the format I wanted and was beginning the edit when I stumbled upon this article on this young man, Alex Minksy.  Yes, the photo got me interested, his story kept me reading, and he inspired me.  Sometimes you just have to change course and go with the direction your heart steers you.  Sometimes you just are inspired, moved, and HAVE to take a different route.  Inspiration to me is an emotion, a feeling, it moves you.
There are times when we just can’t help but listen to inspiration.  Inspiration often gets me out of my rut of thinking, the deep gully I have forged in my day in day out, same behavior, same thinking pattern.  I will often see an image, read a story, listen to a song, experience something beautiful, and if I can truly see it for what it is and allow it to move me, this is my definition of inspiration.  Pintrest is a great place for inspiration, especially for a visual person like myself. Allowing myself to feel inspired by even the smallest of things can often subtly shift my perspective, my outlook, my self-imposed pity party.  I think the biggest part of being inspired is first to allow yourself to be inspired.  So often we walk on by, ignore, don’t notice or won’t allow ourselves to open to the inspiration.  It can be a bit heart wrenching, it can be a mirror reflecting back to you things you may not want to see about yourself and the world.  You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable, open yourself up in order to allow yourself to feel and be inspired.
The second key aspect of inspiration is to take action on the inspiration.  To be inspired without acting on it is like watching a movie, seeing moving, beautiful things, then going home and being no different for the experience.  A recent example of taking action on inspiration, was me backing up on a deserted road to get a picture of an amazing house I had just driven past.  I could have kept driving and hoped I had remembered the image, instead I was inspired by the beautiful color of the trim on the house to go back and get the photo.  Now I have a perfect color of blue to create something new.
Open up, let things move you, expose your heart, feel inspired, then, take the action.
Wear Peace is so inspired by Alex Minsky, we are offering a coupon code (see below) and will be donating 5% of our proceeds for the month of August to the Wounded Warrior Project.

Practical Matters

Getting through the tough stuff
The PRACTICAL MATTERS:

These past six months have been a time of love, longing, joy, prayer, pee in my pants laughter, all night long crying jags, unexpected tears flowing from a yoga pose, meltdowns at grocery stores, faith questioning, and so much fear and worry that I have been at times paralyzed.  As I have mentioned in my past writings, my eldest son is currently deployed in Afghanistan.  One result of these trying months is that I will begin to teach introductory yoga to returning student veterans on the University of Boulder Colorado campus this fall.

Through this time I've found some great friends and support communities, like the organization Give Back Yoga. In preparation for my veterans yoga class, I have been studying the book "Overcoming Trauma through Yoga", by David Emerson, and Bali Malas is in design production for a special mala as a support tool for those of us left behind when loved ones take, or are given, such difficult paths.  In this life, most of us, at one time or another, will inevitably be dealt the cards of a son off to war, a husband recovering from an illness, a parent moving into assisted care, a best friend finding a lump in her breast, finding ourselves unemployed, or the dreaded 2am phone call.  I have learned that there are some practical matters to assist us all when we are faced with such worry, concern, fear and trauma.  Whatever the (worst) case here are my suggestions:   

 

• get some nerve tonic or kava kava, available at health food stores, best for the initial first weeks WTF? times
• try to be nice to others around you, its not always easy as your fuse is seriousuly shortened by the fears
• take your vitamins
• red wine and chocolate, do watch your doses
• get in and stay in your body
• move, exercise, hike, massage all help with above staying connected to your body bit
• don't allow your body to numb out, keep it invovled in the process, moving it will also move the trauma/fear through
• get outside at least once a day, even in rain, for just the sole purpose of looking at the sky
• get outside at night as much as possible, you can communicate through the stars and the moon, knowing these are the same moon/stars shining their miracles down on all involved
• drink water, lots, preferrably princess (princess water in my home is by S. Pellegrino, I am often not found without the iconic green bottle at hand)
• breathe deep often, actual heavy sighs are best and most releasing
• pray.  ask others to put him on their prayer/intentions lists, go for broke here, you'll be surprised
• send out information/details, try a bit of a broader reach than perhaps your regualr intimate friend base
• reply to every single reply you get
• vision board, the homecoming, the healing, the end result
• get ass to yoga class
• journal and keep notes, it helps you in retrospect know how things are improving
• teach, share, volunteer, give
• learn to knit, knit socks
• breathe in fresh air
• find a support group, online, in person, may not need be related even to the "issue"
• stay busy, travel, but all in balance, be sure to not move too fast
• did I mention to breathe deep
• go to a yoga fesitaval
• surround yourself with upbeat, positive thinkers and doers
• do not forget about others in your life, ie. other kids, husband.  They will be your rocks
• listen to good music, dance
• have a small spray bottle of rose water in handbag at all times, best way to soften tear streaks after a parking lot crying jag
• find a mala, find a practice
• educate yourself on the situation, but only as much as you want to be educated
• mantra, this too shall pass
• get professional help
• ask others you trust if above is needed if you're wondering
• be a bit british, keep calm and carry on
• keep phone charged and close in reach if you think you may be hearing from them
• answer the wierd numbers that you don't recognize and would normally ignore
• go to the movies
• get really big dark sunglasses to go to grocery store in - to cover the bags under your eyes

p.s. with any luck my son should be home by mid September.  My affirmation is that he will return happy, healthy, and whole, and with much love/support and these above mentioned practical matters, so should his mom : )

Be. Longing....

To be completely seen, through and through.   Some dread it, some crave it.  I have to say I am in the later camp, I adore it when I'm seen, and a bit frightened too.  We all have a primary human desire that several psychologists call a "Sense of Belonging".  After food, water, shelter we all want to belong.  To belong to something, a family, a tribe, a group, a band!  Beings long.  Be Long.  Belongings.   With the evolution of Bali Malas we will be working on this concept of belonging and belongings.  We are excited to be bringing to the site some new, truly exquisite belongings this fall.  Pieces that assist transition, wearing peace, supporting peace in partnerships, all the while aiding us in our sense of belonging, wether it be as a part of something (specially designed mala from yoga trainings) or apart, separate yet connected to something or someone  (your favorite teacher's mala).

Being SEEN in all our glory, through the eyes of someones heart, is a beautiful, intimidating, scary, glorious thing.  What if they see ALL of it, the pimples, the tears, the scars?  Like a tide pulling out before the tsunami of love hits you.  Exposing the sea shells, old tires and rusted tin cans.  We've hopefully all experienced this love wave in some form at several points in our life.  A graduation day, our wedding day, a special birthday or under the tent made of sheets with your lover.  More often than not, after we've exposed or been exposed in someway first.  One of my favorite experiences is to have my children be seen, by that teacher,  a friend,  a neighbor.  Those are the moments I want to just thrust upon that "seer" my love wave. To know someone "gets" them, has seen the old tin cans and rough edges that we all have, and adores them even the more because of it.   The sense of be longing.  beings long.  be-longings.  What are your be longings? 

Wear Peace. Exquisite belongings. 

What does it mean? 

Listen to our interview on
Where is My Guru
and find out! 

PAX CULTURA

"Where there is Peace, there is Culture; 

Where there is Culture, there is Peace." 

- Nicholas Roerich

"March winds are the morning yawn of spring." ~Lewis Grizzard    Under the snow, the mud and the muck are all those tiny, tender seeds that have been planted.  You may even have forgotten you planted them, or what they are, or where and when they are planted.  As I pick through my south facing garden, pulling out of the rose bushes a few shreds of holiday wrapping paper and the pine wreath (that used to welcome our holiday guests but has since lived under a snow bank for months) I am surprised to see a plethera of tender, pale green shoots just popping through the wet, deep, brown crust.  Hmm, what is that plant?  Are those the iris's or the tulips or a weed?  Do I really not remember back to last spring?  What was it I maybe planted there in the fall, some obscure bulb from that garden catalog?  I hope to recall more readily what I have planted in the garden of my own heart.  I am learning that my "mission statement, be it with business or with life, is the roots of all that I grow.  Print out your mission statement, put it somewhere that you see it everyday.  Try to match each step of progress/action with your mission statement as its root.  What would your mission statement sprout?  With awareness I am planting several things to tend through this tenuous time of spring.  Careful to not let others walk on my tender leaves, the newest growth. I've created a "vision board", and designed a macro and micro calendar, all the while asking myself what is it I want to accomplish, why and by when?  Looking at my macro calendar, from now until the summer solstice I've listed my goals/desires around my relationships, job, family etc.  Things like " Daily practice, Stand in my 500 hour certication, Develop a strong teaching base, Improve my relationships with my son and parents, Embrace my lioness, Spruce up our business image".  I then work backwards from the current approaching Spring Equinox and ask what will be done between now and June 21st to accomplish my macro outlook?  I've written here things like " Have "dates" with my mom and son every other week, Daily asana, Write out class development, Find a new logo for Bali Malas."    What seeds do you want to plant, to cultivate, to fertilize, tend to and water?  What small steps daily can be taken?  What bigger steps weekly and bigger still per month?  Time can easily fly by, so slow it down, look at it, feel the dirt in your fingernails, and remember your life is in your control.  You can formulate how you want it to look, feel, smell.  What you will reap at harvest, what fruits you will enjoy as the days get longer, slower, warmer?  Now is the time to tend the garden of your own heart.  How does your garden grow? With names like Dearly Beloved, Pink Martini, Om Shanti and The Muse, and encompassing sunny citrine, smokey amethyst, mauve fresh water pearls, tulsi, rubies and sapphires, our spring collection is certainly worth investigating......

The Lioness

Has Been Awakened

I was born under the sign of the lion, and I do posses many of the typical Leo traits.  I like grandeur, lavish living, children, and praise, lots of praise.  I do not like penny pinching, mean spiritedness, and the ins and outs of boring day to day living (yawn).   However, I do think the majority of my lioness traits have been dormant most of my life.  Nonetheless, these last few years my Leo-self has bent and floated into asanas I never could have imagined.  I have built a conscious business, growing it each year.  I have taught hundreds of yogis and have just completed my 500 hr teacher training with Shiva Rea.  All these events being instrumental to the awakening of my inner Leo, my truest nature.  My lioness has awoken.

Easing into the new year, I have been working on my organizing/arranging/sacred planning for 2012.  (Via my on line sadhana group with Shiva Rea.)  I've been asking myself some questions, what is my experience of myself currently? What is my vision of myself at the end of this next 365 day cycle around the sun?  What do I want to see in my business, my relationships, my health, my creativity, my spirituality? Not exactly easily answered questions, but questions that have led to much pondering and introspection.   I am learning January is an excellent time to muse, to plant future seeds/goals and directions for the new year ahead. 

During my contemplation of the afore mentioned  questions the image of a lioness kept arising.  The lioness who takes care of her young, who lives amongst a tribe, who is in many ways a "householder", all similar circumstances to my own.  Here is how I answered my own inquiry:

"She has begun her new year journey walking stealthily on her huge padded feet into her world of business, children, house holding, spirituality and love. As her feet leave a delicate imprint in the soft new ground of 2012 you will see her sway and swagger with each step.  Her gentle sloping shoulders reflecting her relaxation, her amply cushioned feet gracefully flowing in front of her with each day.  Crouching down to examine things a bit closer, taking "cat" naps in the sun.  Perking up her ears to listen better, and not afraid to growl and bare her teeth if she deems necessary simultaneously shifting to a meditative purr.  She is surrounded by her ever supporting tribe, for she has learned "you are the company you keep."   Her body is healthy and tone, eyes bright with ferocity.  Most noticeable is her heart that is alighted with the fire that she continually tends.  This lioness has been awakened and is ready to gracefully traverse her way through the expanse."

I encourage you to grab your journal and begin pondering and questioning, planning and compass pointing.  You may be ever so pleasantly surprised at what you've cultivated upon reflection on December 31, 2012.

Presents with presence.

Bali Malas holiday presents with presence.

Practice presence with your presents this holiday season. The Mala Tree is decorated and keeping our offices bright, while the snow falls outside and the temperatures drop.  Bali Malas' studio is all abuzz with our trusted elves all pitching in to help fulfill your orders.  Keeping in mind our products are all handmade in Bali, and do take time to get to us, so please be sure to do your shopping early.  We have tried to stock up this year, but as usual, there are many beautiful malas that are just flying out the door! Order today. Jai Ho! Only here for the holidays... Jai Ho!  Think triumphant joy, upbeat, uplifted!  Miniature rudrakshas alternating with hand selected semi-precious stones,  anchored wtih larger  bead.  All threaded and handknotted on matching string/tassel.  All Jai Ho! are approx. 21" long enough to wrap around neck twice or wrist several times.  Limited supplies, available during holiday season only.

Because she loves to be adorned.  Visit our exquisite Sri Collection. Treat yourself or that special Goddess this season with an exclusive piece from our Sri Collection.  Sri, the sacred sound of cosmic auspiciousness and abundance.  We've created this collection of pieces that are of an extremely uplifted nature.  All of these pieces are made with only the highest quality of gold, silver and several incorporate the use of Chikna beads.  Chikna quality rudrakshas are an extremely rare, highly concentrated form of rudraksha bead, only befitting of our Sri Collection mindful adornments.  Very limited offering. 20% Off Coupon Enter coupon code 'holiday' at checkout to receive 20% off your next purchase.  Valid for single use only, expires 1/1/2012